Sir Francis Bacon (aka “Squeak

It is with heavy (and only slightly twitchy) hearts that we announce the peaceful passing of Sir Francis Bacon, the undisputed master of the midnight snack and the fastest whisker-twitcher in the tri-county area. Francis, as seen in his signature 'stealing your cheerios' pose in the nearby photographic portrait (image_0.png), departed this life to finally answer the call of the Great Cheez-Its in the Sky.

Born in mysterious circumstances, Francis rose above his humble beginnings to become a decorated domestic rodent. He earned several distinctions, including:

• Champion Hide-and-Seeker (Level: Cardboard Box)
• The prestigious title of 'Grand Poobah of Plastic Tubing'
• An honorary doctorate in Chewable Materials and Infrastructure Destabilization.

Known for his sophisticated palate (preferring only the crunchiest of granola bits) and his charming, if slightly damp, ear-nibbling welcomes, Francis leaves a hole in our hearts approximately the size of a standard pet rat. He is survived by three mismatched socks, half a banana peel, and a family who will never again mistake the sound of rustling plastic for a minor earthquake.

A celebration of life—which will mostly involve eating yogurt drops until we feel sick—will be held in the pantry. Contributions in Francis's memory may be made to the 'New Hamster Wheel fund.'

Rest easy, little legend. May your path be paved with unsalted almonds.